It Was Always You Page 10

  It was good to see the river again, too. The water level was high. Not in flood. Just high, the muddy, peaty water lazily drifting and swirling its way to the sea. She sat on the bank and watched the pattern of ripples and whorls on the surface. Here and there she saw bubbles as fish came to the surface, looking for unwary insects. Two swans arrived, landing in mid-stream with a commotion that sent sheets of spray flying. Then they sailed gently away downstream together, as if on a summer excursion, not a care in the world.

  Reluctantly, she re-focussed. She would give it another couple of days. Let things settle down. Then she would start making enquiries and doing the things she would have to do. She really ought to get on with it.

  Moving to a big city would be a challenge. So would life with Don. But she was looking forward to it. Really she was. It was just that she needed a bit more time to get her head round it all.

  She would miss everyone here, though. She really would. Carol and Peggy, and everyone else. Mum and Dad, of course. And Matthew. People she had known all her life.

  She thought about Matthew and Carol. How wonderful, she thought, now she had come to terms with the news. It was so good for both of them. What a happy life they would have together – if they stayed together. She hoped they did, she decided firmly. Really she did. Matthew was wonderful. He always had been. Even at first school, when they were little, he had been so kind and cheerful. Always. Carol was very lucky.

  Well, so was she herself lucky. Don was a lovely man, too. He led a very different sort of life to her, of course, but joining him and taking part in that life was an exciting prospect. She was going to do that, she told herself firmly. She couldn’t wait.

  She stood up and dusted the back of her jeans with one hand. Just as soon as she could, she would begin enquiries and start making arrangements. Her new life beckoned.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  A few days after her return, Anna saw Matthew working on the old house again. She went to see him.

  ‘Hello, Matthew.’ He turned towards her and nearly fell off the ladder. ‘Careful!’ she warned.

  He slid down to the ground and straightened up. ‘Hi, Anna. I heard you were back. Good holiday?’

  ‘Yes, thanks. But it’s good to be home. How are you?’

  ‘Oh, I’m all right. There’s never much wrong with me.’

  He grinned, but it wasn’t the old Matthew, the one she knew so well. This one seemed oddly diffident, unsure of himself, unsure what to say to her.

  Oh, rubbish! She had just been away too long. A lot could change in a month. A lot had changed, she thought, remembering what Peggy and Carol had said.

  ‘So who’s taken over this old ruin? Who are you doing all this work for?’

  ‘It’s not much,’ he said, again diffidently. ‘Just the roof and the windows. A bit of pointing on the walls.’

  ‘And a shop window. Come on! I’m very curious. Who’s taken it on?’

  ‘Me,’ he said after a long hesitation. ‘I bought it.’

  She thought she had misheard, and waited. He said nothing more.

  ‘You, Matthew? Did I hear you right?’

  He nodded and gave her a sheepish grin.

  ‘What a bold step. What are you planning to do with it?’

  He scratched his arm distractedly. ‘I don’t know,’ he admitted. ‘It just seemed a good idea at the time. The village needs a shop, doesn’t it?’

  He grinned again and started back up the ladder. ‘I’d better get on,’ he said. ‘I have to be up at Kidlandlee by two o’clock. Some folks there want a fence to keep the wild goats out. That’s going to be a challenge.’

  ‘Good luck with it!’ she called, as he reached the gutter and began working at a bracket holding it in place. He waved a hand in acknowledgement.

  *

  Afterwards she felt out of sorts. She had been about to tell Matthew how pleased she was for him and Carol, but somehow the opportunity had not arisen. Matthew had not seemed ready to talk at any length with her. He had been busy, of course. You couldn’t expect him to drop what he was doing just because she had returned from holiday. He had work he was doing, and another job to go to afterwards. He was a busy man. Always had been.

  And now he seemed to be embarking on a new enterprise. Understandably, he had not wanted to say much about it. He would want to make sure everything was in place before he started broadcasting his plans from the roof tops.

  That was part of the trouble, she thought moodily. Matthew had plans. Carol had plans. She was sure Peggy had, too. Plans and jobs. Everybody did.

  And herself? Well, if not plans, exactly, she thought firmly, she certainly had things to do. She had a new life to prepare for. First, though, she ought to tell Don her answer. Nothing else could go ahead until she did that. She would phone him. Tonight. And tell him. Then make a start.

  By then, she was along by the river again. She looked up. She stood and gazed around. How peaceful and beautiful it was here, she thought, seeing it as if for the first time.

  The two swans were back, she noted, as they would be. After all, they were partners for life, which was exactly how it should be. This time they were foraging in the reeds not far from where she stood. They took absolutely no notice of her. It was their world, they implied. She was welcome to enter it but on no account must she even think of interfering or disturbing it.

  Smiling, she stood still and watched. They were so busy. They became even busier when two grey signets appeared and demanded to know what was going on. Their parents showed them, with patience and care. And with love, she realised. They, too, had their place in this little world where permanence and continuity underlay everything else. It was her world, too, when you thought about it, Anna thought. It was where she belonged.

  Eventually she turned away. Still smiling, she set off for home, ready for lunch, and knowing now exactly what she wanted to do. It was easy, after all, once you knew what was right for you.

  She would phone Don this evening, she reaffirmed, her mind finally and absolutely made up.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Don was slow to respond. She waited patiently.

  ‘You’re sure?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m sure.’

  ‘There’s no way I can change your mind?’

  ‘None at all. I’m sorry, Don. But I know now it wouldn’t be right for either of us.’

  They spoke some more, awkwardly, hesitantly. She apologised again. Don was very well-mannered about it all, disappointed but polite. There were no ugly reproaches. Nothing like that. Anna was relieved. She hoped he would come to see she was right.

  ‘I guessed,’ he said finally. ‘I realised I should have known better when you didn’t grab my hand off.’

  She chuckled. ‘Oh, Don! We had a lovely time together. Thank you so much for that, and for being so understanding now.’

  ‘Just one thing. Was there anything in particular that led you to your decision?’

  ‘No, nothing like that.’

  There was, of course. It was the swans. When, and if, she married, she wanted to do it for the right reasons, and she wanted it to be for good, in the place she considered home. Perhaps it wasn’t a very modern thing to think, but she knew it was what would be right for her.

  Not that she could tell Don any of that. He had his own way to find in life, and it wouldn’t be the same as hers.

  ‘Take care, Anna!’

  Afterwards she felt free as the proverbial bird. She went out and almost skipped down the street. It was done. Decision taken. She had her life back.

  *

  Peggy was disappointed, predictably. Carol just seemed stunned.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Peggy said immediately. ‘How awful. How sad!’

  ‘No, it’s not. I’m more relieved than anything else.’

  ‘Are you? Really?’

  Anna nodded.

  ‘There go my holiday plans,’ Peggy said with a theatrical sigh. She looked round Romano’s, where they
were once again, ostentatiously searching for a new holiday plan. ‘Are you sure?’ she added, turning hopefully back to Anna.

  ‘I’m sure.’ Anna gave a little shrug. ‘I don’t want to live in Canada. I’m happy here. Besides...’

  ‘Besides what?’

  Anna hesitated. She wanted to express herself precisely, and not risk being misunderstood. ‘Don is a lovely person. So kind and pleasant, and thoughtful. Such good fun, too.’

  ‘Is that a big "but" I hear?’

  Anna smiled and nodded. ‘I think you know when someone is not right for you. At least, I do.’

  ‘But you could live in such a lovely house!’ Peggy said. ‘Drive a great, big car. Wonderful holidays. No money worries at all!’

  Anna laughed. ‘The cars are not so big these days. Relatively speaking, of course.’

  ‘Still... Oh, you’re so hard to please! If anybody like that asked me...’

  ‘Oh, shut up, Peggy! You know you don’t mean it.’

  Peggy pouted and then grinned.

  Carol had been quiet so far. Now she said, ‘Well, I’m glad you weren’t swept off your feet entirely, Anna. I should have known, I suppose. You’re far too sensible for that. You always were. Not like me.’

  ‘My great failing,’ Anna conceded ruefully.

  She almost meant it. Peggy was right. What a lifestyle she could have had, if only she had chosen it and swallowed her doubts about Don.

  On the other hand... It couldn’t possibly have lasted. Perhaps Don didn’t know that, but she did. Perhaps Sally Anne did, too. It had been a holiday romance. No more, no less. Now she wanted to tuck it away in a little box and get on with her real life.

  ‘What will you do now?’ Peggy asked.

  ‘Look for a job. Think about finding somewhere to live on my own. Mum and Dad will be thinking they’re never going to get rid of me.’

  ‘Maybe we could look for somewhere together?’

  ‘Maybe we could. Yes. That would be nice.’

  She turned to Carol, who was strangely quiet. ‘I’ve been meaning to ask you, Carol, what is Matthew intending to do with a shop?’

  ‘No idea.’ Carol shrugged and added, ‘Ask him.’

  It seemed an odd thing to say. Ask Matthew? Her? It was hard to believe Carol hadn’t done that herself.

  ‘I will, if I see him. I just thought...’

  She stopped as Carol got up and walked off, presumably to the Ladies. She glanced at Peggy, who shrugged.

  ‘What?’ Anna said. ‘What did I say?’

  ‘Oh, it’s not you,’ Peggy said wearily. ‘She’s out of sorts, depressed.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because of Matthew.’

  ‘What’s he got to do with it?’

  ‘Between you and me, I think he’s dumped her.’

  ‘Oh, dear!’ Anna was stunned. ‘Poor Carol. I didn’t know.’

  ‘She’ll get over it.’ Peggy shrugged again, and added, ‘Fortunes of war, I guess. Something like that anyway.’

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Anna saw nothing more of her friends for a few days. Peggy worked in town. So not seeing her was no surprise. But Carol was around. She had to be, because of the horses. Occasionally Anna saw her in the distance, riding or leading her charges, but she always disappeared before she could talk to her. And the once or twice she went round to the stables, Carol wasn’t there. Busy, she supposed. Like everyone else.

  Now, though, Anna could give some serious thought to her own situation. She, too, wanted to be busy, and there was no reason to delay job hunting any longer. The sooner she got started, the better.

  The job centre in Alnwick didn’t have much to offer, and what vacancies they did have on their books were not very enticing. Anna didn’t really feel she wanted to be a temporary clerical assistant at a sausage factory, still less a mechanic. As for being a part-time fryer at a local chip shop, well… no, thank you.

  ‘I would rather be a brain surgeon,’ she told the woman behind the help-desk. ‘Or a footballer. Haven’t you got any vacancies?’

  The woman shook her head. ‘Sadly,’ she said, ‘we don’t have much of anything at the moment. Not that we ever do,’ she added. ‘That’s how I ended up in here myself.’

  ‘Oh? They took you on?’

  ‘Temporarily. Frankly, I can’t wait to retire or be made redundant.’

  ‘Good luck,’ Anna said, chuckling.

  What she would really like to do, she thought over a coffee in a local café, was what she used to do. She had spent years running a village shop all on her own. She would like something like that again. But where would she find it?

  She hung around Alnwick until it was time for Dad to pick her up on his way home from work.

  ‘Any luck?’ he asked.

  She shook her head. ‘No, not a thing.’

  ‘You’ll find something.’ He glanced sideways at her as they drove up the long hill leading out of town. ‘Early days yet.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I know.’

  She knew, but it didn’t stop her feeling dispirited.

  ‘I assume you’ve quite made up your mind about the other business – emigrating, and getting married, and so on?’

  ‘Oh, yes.’ She smiled at the way he had put it, as if it was all on a par with a visit to the dentist’s. ‘I don’t want to do any of that. I’m happy here – or I was, and I will be again once I find a job.’

  ‘Of course you will.’

  They drove on. Dad started whistling. That got on her nerves.

  ‘Dad! You don’t have to do that.’

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘Whistle to keep up my spirits. You don’t have to do it. I’m all right.’

  ‘Of course you are.’ He grinned. ‘Tell you what. I’ll get you a puppy. How would that be?’

  ‘Dad! Stop it. Stop it now. I’m really not depressed. I just need to get sorted out.’

  He relented. ‘All right,’ he said with a smile. ‘So what would you like to do?’

  She sighed. ‘What I would like to do is what I used to do before the Wilsons pulled the plug, but that’s not going to happen, is it?’

  Dad was quiet for a couple of minutes. Then he said, ‘Why don’t you have a word with Matthew Greig? See what he’s going to do with the old Robson place. I see he’s put a shop window in.’

  She was stunned. Somehow, in all the upheavals, she hadn’t thought of that. Matthew! Yes, what a good idea.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  ‘How are you, Carol?’

  ‘All right. You?’

  Anna chuckled. ‘Getting a bit fed up of job hunting, but OK otherwise.’

  They had met outside the Co-op in Alnwick. Anna was glad to have met someone she knew. ‘Fancy a coffee?’ she asked.

  ‘No thanks. I’ve got things to do.’

  Carol looked thoroughly miserable. Anna felt sorry for her. ‘Are you sure you’re all right? You don’t seem very happy.’

  ‘Happy!’ Carol looked to be about to say something else, and then changed her mind.

  ‘What is it? Is there anything I can do?’

  ‘Go back to Canada! Have you thought of doing that? You’ve ruined my life.’

  Anna was stunned. Carol looked angry for a moment. Then her expression became sullen again.

  ‘Carol! Whatever’s wrong? What have I done? I can’t believe you just said that.’

  ‘You mean you don’t know?’ Carol said, glaring at her.

  Anna shook her head, bewildered and fearful. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Matthew.’

  ‘Matthew? What do you mean?’

  Suddenly Carol was in tears. Instinctively, Anna put her arms round her, hugged her and drew her aside. ‘Carol,’ she murmured. ‘Come on. What is it, honey?’

  Carol sobbed for a moment or two. Then it stopped and she straightened up. ‘Sorry,’ she murmured. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s all right. Come on. Let’s go somewhere and sit down.�
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  They found a quiet little café, and a quiet corner within it. Anna bought a couple of cappuccinos.

  ‘I usually have latte,’ Carol said, staring at the glass mug with the swirl of cream. ‘Skinny latte.’

  ‘Something else I’ve got wrong, then,’ Anna said with an anxious smile.

  Carol shrugged. ‘Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. It’s not really your fault anyway.’

  ‘What’s wrong with you and Matthew?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘You can’t just say that. What is it?’

  Carol sighed and moodily stirred her coffee.

  ‘You have to tell me. What have I done?’

  ‘You? You came back.’ Carol forced a grim smile. ‘You decided not to emigrate, not to marry Don. I don’t know! Since you came back, I haven’t seen Matthew.’

  ‘What’s that got to do with me?’

  Carol gave a bitter little laugh. ‘You mean you don’t know?’

  Anna shook her head.

  ‘You really don’t know?’

  ‘Of course I don’t. I’ve scarcely seen either of you.’

  Carol muttered something and took a sip of her coffee. A smear of cream appeared round her mouth.

  ‘What did you say?’ Anna queried, passing her friend a tissue.

  ‘It’s you he’s interested in, Anna, not me. It always was.’

  Anna stared at her a moment. Then she smiled awkwardly. ‘Don’t be silly! He’s never even looked at me.’

  ‘I’m not being silly. I mean it. It was all right when you were going away, marrying someone else. Now you’re not doing that, and it’s not OK.’

  Abruptly, Carol stood up and headed for the Ladies. Anna watched her go.

  She was dazed, and trying desperately hard to understand what Carol had just said. It made no sense. Matthew interested in her? He never had been. All the times she had seen him, and talked to him, all the time she had known him... He’d never once given any indication whatsoever that he was interested in her.

  No, that was wrong. He had taken her to Longwitton that day. And then he’d dropped her. That had been it. One day of his company. That was all.