A Place of Her Own Read online

  ‘I don’t wish to be rude, Kat, but...’

  ‘I know – shut up! You didn’t invite us here to be marriage guidance counsellors.’

  ‘Not shut up in so many words, perhaps.’

  ‘It’s just that we want you to be happy, and to have a normal life. That’s all.’

  Jenny tried to relax and be philosophical about it.

  ‘I know you mean well, Kat. Of course I do. But I already have a normal life. At least, I think I do – whatever that means these days. I’ve got a home and the shop. I’m doing what I want to do, and I’m happy about it.

  ‘Just because you and Luce have husbands, and children in her case, doesn’t mean everyone has to. Besides, there’s plenty of time for children.’

  ‘Of course there is! And you should take it. I’ll say no more.’

  After a moment, Kat added, ‘You’re not forty yet, are you? And even then...’

  ‘I’m thirty-three, for goodness’ sake! Now drop it. Please!’

  ‘I will, I will!’

  ‘Thank you. Anyway, you don’t have children either.’

  ‘But we are trying,’ Kat said in a forlorn tone. ‘We’ve been trying for ages.’

  Jenny gave her a hug. She knew she wasn’t the only one whose life might be considered incomplete by some. Then they both relaxed and got on with washing and drying the pots, while Lucy subsided in the bath.

  All the same, Jenny was troubled. She felt that behind the unwelcome opinions and advice, and the laughter, there was something in what her friends were saying. Quite a lot, probably.

  She did, eventually, want a full and normal family life. She always had done. Husband, children, and so on. The whole thing. She wanted that, just as Kat and Lucy, and her own mother, had wanted it. The difference was that they had been lucky to find someone to share their lives with early. She had not. Rather, she had thought for a time she had, but in the end she hadn’t. Not really. Pete and she had been wise to call it a day before the wedding day had come.

  But just because she hadn’t found anyone yet, didn’t mean she never would. Did it?

  As for Will Renfrew, she hadn’t really considered him in that light. Or much in any other light, for that matter. She had been far too busy settling into Cragley, and sorting out the house and the shop. Getting to know people, as well, and getting to know how to live in this new place. Enjoying it, too.

  Now she thought about it, though, she knew Kat and Lucy might well be right about some things. Will did seem interested in her. She liked him, too. Maybe she should let him know his attentions were not unwelcome?

  Except ... Except … What? Well, to be honest, she didn’t experience any great thrill when she looked at him. She didn’t long for him to hold her either. And she couldn’t recall ever reaching out spontaneously to touch his arm or hug him, as she did sometimes with Tom, say. She just enjoyed being with him, and listening to him talk. Especially about his work. She enjoyed his company.

  Maybe that was enough for grown-up people? Mature people, like herself these days. Maybe that was all there was, or could be?

  She shook her head. She didn’t know. Lucy would, of course. And possibly even Kat would. But she wasn’t going to ask them. There were limits to friendship.

  Chapter Fifteen

  After Kat and Lucy left, the house felt empty. And the next morning it was quiet. So quiet! It was unbelievable how full and noisy they had made it between them, Kat and Lucy. Mostly Lucy.

  Jenny smiled to herself as she prepared her breakfast. It had been so good to see them both again, and they had packed so much into the few days they had spent together. She hadn’t wanted to close the shop, and Kat and Lucy had understood that, but even so, with Hannah’s help, they had managed to do and see plenty. And Lucy had quite fancied herself as a shopkeeper!

  For a moment, Jenny thought back to Dartford, and to her old home. Good times and bad, she had experienced there with Kat and Lucy. She shook her head. There was no going back, even if she wanted to, which she didn’t. It had never been the same once Mum had gone. And now the money had gone, as well. Even if she could sell this place, she would never be able to afford a house back there now. Besides, she didn’t want to work in the bank again. She’d had enough of that. This was her life now.

  She wandered out into the garden, where she surprised Hannah, as well as herself.

  ‘Hannah! Who gave you permission to pick my weeds?’ she demanded. ‘I wanted all them dandelions and thistles, and whatever else you’ve got in that plastic bag.’

  Hannah grinned. ‘Got to get the garden ready for the spring. The seeds will be lost if you don’t.’

  ‘Seeds? What seeds?’

  ‘The ones we’re going to sow.’

  ‘Oh? We are, are we?’

  ‘Definitely.’ Hannah nodded and got back to work.

  It seemed a strange time of year to be weeding, but the sun was shining, it was a warm day, and the garden needed it. A tractor and plough might be better, though. It was a long time since anyone had done what Hannah was doing in this garden.

  Jenny smiled. She was so happy to see Hannah. ‘It’s going to be a lot of work,’ she observed, surveying the dense patches of nettles and thistles.

  ‘Hard work never killed anyone,’ Hannah pointed out sternly. ‘Except our James, of course. It would do for him if he ever tried it.’

  ‘Don’t be so hard on him. He’s only a man, and men don’t know as much as women about hard work. So my mum used to say anyway.’

  Jenny grabbed a clump of chickweed and worked side-by-side with Hannah for a few minutes, until her back began to ache dangerously.

  ‘That will have to do for now,’ she puffed. ‘I’m not used to hard work myself. Besides, I’ll have to open the shop soon.’

  They sat on a couple of old garden chairs for a moment.

  ‘I didn’t expect to see you here this morning, Hannah. It was a nice surprise.’

  ‘I thought you might be feeling lonely.’

  Jenny looked at her with surprise, touched by her concern.

  ‘Now that your friends have gone,’ Hannah added.

  ‘What a kind thought! Thank you. Actually, I was feeling a bit down in the dumps. The house has been so full of life the last few days, and we had such fun together.’

  ‘Talking about old times, I expect,’ Hannah said.

  ‘Oh, yes! Quite a bit of that. It was good to see them both again.’

  ‘I liked them both, especially Lucy. I wish I had friends like that.’

  ‘You will. Of course you will! You probably have them already.’

  ‘No.’ Hannah shook her head. ‘Mum was my best friend.’

  Jenny winced. No-one spoke of it usually, but Annie’s death had obviously left all her family terribly bereft. It was hard to imagine quite what an impact it must have had on poor Hannah.

  ‘I miss my mum, too,’ Jenny said quietly. ‘She died not long after yours.’

  She looked up into Hannah’s stricken face. Tears were threatening for both of them. She reached out to hold her.

  ‘We’ll just have to get used to it,’ she said gently. ‘They would want us to have happy lives, wouldn’t they? Not to forget them, but to be happy even if they can’t be with us. I think so, anyway.’

  She felt Hannah nod agreement. She gently stroked the girl’s hair until a kind of peace came over them both.

  ‘Did you want to go back to Kent with Kat and Lucy?’ Hannah asked.

  ‘Not really.’ Jenny had no hesitation. ‘Not at all, actually. I’m here now.’

  ‘Good.’

  They sat together then until the sun moved behind the tree tops along the riverside. How good it is here, Jenny thought. How happy I am to be here.

  ***

  Later, Will dropped by. Jenny was pleased to see him.

  ‘Have they gone?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m afraid so. They’ve gone.’

  ‘What a whirlwind!’

  She laughed. ‘It w
as a bit, wasn’t it? But it was lovely to see them both again, and to have them here. I think they liked it.’

  ‘I’m sure they did.’

  She regarded him fondly. ‘And thank you, Will, for helping make it such a memorable visit. They enjoyed your company.’

  ‘I liked them, too. It was good fun.’ He stopped and looked around the shop. ‘Much happening?’

  ‘It’s not been bad at all. I’ve had a few customers in. Looking for Christmas presents mostly.’

  He nodded. ‘Trade picks up for most people, I think, in the run-up to Christmas. Not far away now, is it?’

  It was true. A couple of weeks only. She couldn’t believe she’d been in Cragley getting on for half a year already.

  ‘What are you doing at Christmas, by the way?’ Will asked. ‘Anything special?’

  ‘Me? Oh, I don’t think so. I need to keep the shop open and busy. So I’ll probably just close for the two days. How about you?’

  He shrugged. ‘My married sister wants me to stay with them again in Manchester, or perhaps for them to come here. As usual,’ he added.’

  ‘You’re not keen?’

  ‘Not really.’ He looked at her and added, ‘How would you like to spend Christmas Day at my place? We could do the turkey, the pudding, the tree – the whole thing!’

  ‘That’s a nice idea, Will. Thank you.’ She hesitated. ‘Can I think about it, and let you know? I’ve got so much going around in my head at the moment, I can’t think straight.’

  ‘Of course.’ He approached her and took her hand. ‘If you say yes,’ he promised, ‘we’ll make it the most wonderful Christmas ever.’

  She smiled, and accepted the kiss he planted on her cheek.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Late afternoon on Christmas Eve, just as Jenny was closing the shop, Hannah called round.

  ‘Sorry I couldn’t be here earlier. I had to help my dad.’

  ‘No need to apologise, Hannah. You do more than enough around here.’

  ‘Was it busy?’

  ‘Not after lunch. I could have closed then, but I stayed open just in case somebody was still searching for a last-minute present.’

  ‘You didn’t see James, then?’

  ‘I didn’t. Is that what he’s doing?’

  Hanna nodded. ‘He’s the same every year. He doesn’t get organised in time.’

  Jenny hid a smile. Hannah’s menfolk were always letting her down, one way or another. She was a hard taskmaster.

  ‘It’s a pity you can’t come to our house on Christmas Day,’ Hannah said ruefully.

  Jenny wasn’t sure. She knew Hannah would have liked her to be present, but she wasn’t sure about anyone else. Besides, she was committed.

  ‘I’m sorry, Hannah. I accepted Mr. Renfrew’s invitation a week or two ago. I can’t let him down, can I?’

  Hannah shook her head. ‘It’s still a pity, though.’

  ‘Well, maybe you could all come here on Boxing Day?’

  ‘Can’t. We have to go to Aunt Thelma’s. We go there every year.’

  ‘Well, some other time, then.’

  Hannah hesitated and then said, ‘Me and Dad are going to Midnight Mass tonight. Do you want to come with us?’

  ‘Oh!’ Jenny hadn’t considered that possibility. She’d been too busy. But it suddenly seemed a nice idea. ‘Where? The parish church?’

  ‘St. Aidan’s, yes. About eleven-fifteen we’ll be going.’

  ‘That would be lovely, Hannah. Are you sure your dad won’t mind?’

  ‘Oh, no. He told me to ask you.’

  ‘Well, thank you again.’

  ***

  They came for her just after eleven. It was a frosty night and Hannah was well-muffled against the cold. Tom wore a suit, which was a surprise. And no coat over it, which seemed rather bold.

  ‘Goodness, Tom!’ Jenny said. ‘You look very smart, but won’t you freeze?’

  He just smiled. ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Dad doesn’t feel the cold,’ Hannah said. ‘Not like me!’

  ‘Well, you should be all right,’ Jenny said to her. ‘That looks a lovely warm coat.’

  ‘It was my mum’s.’

  Jenny glanced at Tom.

  ‘Annie would have wanted her to get some use out of it,’ Tom said.

  ‘Of course she would.’

  Jenny shut the door and they set off on the short walk across the green to the parish church. It felt good to Jenny to be in such company. She linked arms with Hannah and smiled happily at Tom, who smiled back and took her other arm.

  At the far side of the green, Jenny slipped slightly on the icy pavement. Tom’s arm went round her and saved a fall.

  ‘These shoes!’ she muttered, smiling her thanks.

  ‘You need to take care,’ Tom said solemnly. ‘You, too, Hannah.’

  Not a thought for himself, Jenny thought, as he steered them both across the road and into the church.

  It was a while since Jenny had last been in a church, but that night St. Aidan’s seemed the right place to be. The perfect place to be. She felt the majesty of the atmosphere in the nave, with its high, high ceiling, as soon as they walked through the door. There was a big attendance that night and she was thrilled to be amongst so many people she recognised from around the village. The organ sounded splendid and the choir was in good voice. So, too, was the congregation. Jenny soon found herself singing merrily alongside Hannah.

  It felt good, she decided. It was good. She was sorry when the service ended and it was time to leave.

  ‘Thank you so much for dragging me along,’ she said to Tom and Hannah as they were about to part.

  ‘Thank you for coming,’ Tom said with great seriousness.

  Then he did a most unexpected, most unlike-Tom thing. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. ‘Happy Christmas!’ he said softly.

  ‘Happy Christmas!’ she responded, in a daze.

  ***

  Christmas Day was nice, too. Jenny was up early. She sorted out the presents she was leaving next door and the one she had for Will. Then she listened to carols on the radio. Finally, it was time. She could get ready to go to Will’s for Christmas Dinner.

  Everything was beautiful. Will had excelled himself. He had thought of everything. Or, if he hadn’t, his sister had.

  ‘I’m so glad to meet you at last,’ Penny said, a bright smile lighting up her face. ‘Will has told me so much about you. I feel I know you already, even though we haven’t met.’

  ‘I hope he’s told you the truth!’ Jenny said with an embarrassed laugh. ‘That would be better than telling you everything.’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Penny insisted. ‘He’s told me about your shop, and all the hard work you’ve put into it. How is it going, by the way?’

  ‘Probably as well as could be expected. I think that’s the appropriate phrase.’

  ‘Good! I’m so pleased. Now come and meet my family. Then I must join Will in the kitchen.’

  Penny had a husband, a daughter and a son. Jenny liked them all. They were a nice family. And Will was a good host, as well as an excellent cook. So it turned out to be a lovely meal, and an enjoyable day. Jenny was grateful she had been invited. Christmas Day was the one day in the year she wouldn’t have wanted to be alone.

  Yet … And yet she kept wondering as the afternoon wore on how the Laidlers were enjoying the day. She wondered what they were doing. She wondered if they liked the gifts she had left for them. Somehow it felt wrong that she was here amongst strangers, apart from Will, rather than the people she had become so used to seeing every day. Perhaps, she thought, she might see them briefly before the day was over.

  Will walked her home that evening. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. She smiled and thanked him for a lovely day.

  Outside her house, she said, ‘I won’t ask you in, Will. I’m so tired I’m going fall asleep any moment.’

  ‘That’s all right. I understand.’

  He smiled and leaned forward to
kiss her. She turned her head slightly so that his lips met her cheek. Then she gave his hand a final squeeze and turned towards her front door, relieved it had been so easy to do, yet troubled that she had so instinctively done it.

  Chapter Seventeen

  After Christmas, as they headed into January, life settled down into a new pattern. Jenny welcomed it, and soon grew accustomed to the new routine. The stability suited her. She enjoyed it, especially everything to do with the shop. Being her own boss, and in charge of something she had created, was becoming a satisfying experience.

  She enjoyed the contacts she was making with local craftspeople, as well. And what a lot of local produce there was! More than she had ever suspected. At times the countryside seemed to be teeming with people making, crafting and collecting things. All sorts of interesting people were doing it, and her shop was fast becoming a new meeting place for many of them.

  It was a very different world to the one she had known for so long, but Jenny felt she was fitting into it nicely. She had never known so many new people, even if fewer of them were customers than she would have liked.

  ‘It’s the coffee that does it,’ Will told her. ‘That’s what brings them in. The free coffee. People will travel miles for that and a gossip. Can I ask you to display my own business card, by the way?’

  ‘Of course you can. I have a special panel I’m pinning business cards to.’

  ‘So I noticed. Not a window?’

  ‘No. I want to keep the windows clear. I don’t want the place to look cluttered, like a junk shop.’

  ‘A classy joint, eh? Well, it makes sense. Maybe you’ll attract a more discerning customer.’

  ‘More of any kind of customer would be very welcome at the moment.’

  Will grinned. Then he stretched out in the wooden rocking chair strategically placed near the fireplace, where logs were quietly glowing. ‘I have to go into Berwick this afternoon,’ he said. ‘Care to join me?’

  ‘I’d love to, Will, but I can’t. I can’t close the shop.’

  ‘Hannah?’